The Start of Week 2 - It's Chilly Out There!

So I'm still having some trouble with sleeping.  Friday night, I didn't get to sleep until about 2:30 (some of that was my own fault because I was up doing laundry until about 1:30 - I know, what a rocking Friday night!).  Saturday, I didn't fall asleep until 4am.  And even last night, it was 2am.  Fortunately, I could sleep in, but it's meant that my days are a bit thrown off, which isn't great, and I'm sure I'll be suffering when I wake up early for work tomorrow.

When I woke up this morning, I did NOT feel like going for a run. I was tired and sluggish, the cold outside has a bitter feeling to it because we're expecting snow later, and it's cloudy and depressing.

But I'm a believer in suiting up and showing up, so I just put on my running clothes and had some oatmeal and gave myself a 1pm deadline to head out.

And I did.  Today, I was ramping up to 90 seconds of running and two minutes of walking, and with the cold, I was definitely feeling punished.  But I did it anyway and now I'm feeling good as a result.

I stuck with my healthier eating this weekend too - there were a couple of times where I wanted to give myself a treat and just take a whole day off from good eating, but it's only been a week of it, so I resisted the urge. I did make a key lime pie on Saturday night, but I've only had a small slice after dinner both days, and that's been enough of a treat for me.

I also picked up some more VitaTops - they're muffin tops made from whole grains, with 15 vitamins in them and only 100 calories.  I get the dark chocolate ones, and they taste like brownies.  No joke.  Anyone who knows me well knows that I'm not into diet anything - I've never liked diet soda, anything that's low fat or low sugar tastes really fake to me, and I just prefer the full fat, full sugar versions of things.

But these really, honestly taste like brownies.

They come frozen, six to a package (apparently you can buy them online two, and I might think about it, since the only flavors they have at my grocery store are corn muffin and these chocolate ones), and I just microwave them for about 25 seconds, pour a small glass of skim milk, and I have a really delicious snack.  I might go make one right now in fact!

Anyway.

I'm feeling pretty pleased with myself for running when I didn't feel like it, and continuing to eat well when I didn't feel like it. And as a result, I've lost 2.2 pounds in the last week. Woo hoo!

Now I just need to motivate myself beyond sitting on the couch for the rest of the afternoon.  Because I'm still so darn tired lately!

Week One of Couch to 5k Complete + What I'm Eating

So here we are, day three of the couch to 5k, and I actually WANTED to run today.  Mostly because it was either go for a run or kill somebody and throw my computer out the window.  But since I know that running beats the frustration out of me, I figured that was the better alternative!

It was another session of 60 seconds running and 90 seconds walking for twenty minutes total, and today's run was a bit punishing.  In part because I was pushing myself out of frustration, and in part because the humidity is pretty high here today - you know how I love humidity.

At any rate, the run did it's job - I feel much less stressed now and hopefully I can remember this feeling the next time I'm feeling frustrated - running works like nothing else.

Now, to change the subject a bit...

One of the things I remember reading during my last stint as a runner was about how important nutrition is.  You may remember that I was having some serious problems with migraines when I first started running in 2009, and it turned out that I wasn't drinking nearly enough water.  As part of a year-long resolutions project I'm working on, one of this month's tasks was to drink at least four glasses of water a day.

I know some suggest that it should be eight, but I was going from maybe one glass a day.  I know, it's terrible, I admit it.

When I'd done my few trips to the gym, I talked to a fitness coach there, who said that over time, your body will get used to drinking more and more water, and will crave it, so it's a good idea to build up to eight glasses.  So that was my plan.

It's been 18 days, and I've stuck with 4-5, sometimes 6 glasses of water a day.  With that much water, there isn't room for drinking too much else, with the exception of a small glass of skim milk here and there.  I had a pretty major addiction to Pepsi (I still love it), and I've found that I'm not good at moderation.  So I just haven't brought any into the house, and I'm sticking with water.

I hate to admit it, but I feel better.

On the nutrition side of things, this is also the first time I'm focusing on really eating better while working out - usually I'm guilty of doing one or the other.  In January, I gave up "candies" - my definition of candies is anything that's just sugary, like nerds, sweet tarts, etc.  I LOVE that stuff.  But again, I'm not good with moderation.  I would get one roll of sweet tarts one day, crave them again the next day, pick up three rolls, planning to eat them over the period of three days and eat them all in one day.  And so on.

No wonder I put on nine pounds in the last ten months.

So I gave that all up in January - I'm trying to make small changes, so that instead of feeling deprived, I just gradually phase it out.  February was just supposed to be about giving up Pepsi, but now I've given up most sweets.

I read somewhere that oatmeal is the breakfast of champions.  I'd tried it once and hated it, but more for the texture than the taste (I'm very sensitive to food textures).  But I suddenly had a craving for it the other day, so I picked up a box - there are three flavors, which I know isn't the healthiest kind of oatmeal, but it's about baby steps.  I've eaten it for breakfast the past three days, and I have to say that it's really good!

Not only does it taste good, but it fills me up and keeps me full until lunchtime.  Lunch is my other major issue.  I like lunch foods (I love sandwiches), but I never feel like eating them at lunch.  Plus, in addition to processed meats not being very good for you, they're a nightmare for migraine sufferers.  I had a leftover Italian hero a few weeks ago, and it gave me a terrible migraine.  So I'm usually at a loss as to what to eat for lunch, end up eating a yogurt and feeling hungry about thirty minutes later.

So because I'm eating the oatmeal for breakfast, I can now have my carnation instant breakfast for lunch! I get the dark chocolate packets, and blend it with skim milk and slow churned vanilla ice cream and it's good.  And that keeps me full for a good three hours.  So I have a snack then, and have a decent home cooked meal for dinner.

I'm also finding that I'm pretty hungry by dinner, so I'm splitting up the meal into something easy to eat, and what I'm cooking.  If I eat a quick salad (mixed greens, walnuts, dried cherries, oil & vinegar) or a bunch of carrots, I'm more likely to have the patience to wait for my meal to cook.  One of my biggest problems is thinking that cooking will take forever (it never does, but it feels that way), and then I just decide to order or pick up take out. And that's never as good for me as cooking.

So this gives me a bit of food, adds in veggies, which I'm not a huge fan of generally, and motivates me to cook instead.  Another thing that's been working for me is planning my meals - on Sunday, I looked at what I had in the fridge and planned all my meals out for the week.  Then, I didn't have to figure out what I was going to make that night - I just made it.

At the end of a long day, when I'm tired and don't feel like hunting through the cabinets and fridge for what to make, it's handy to just have options in front of me.  I admit I did stray from the list a bit this week - I stuck with the meals on it, but not always on the right days - but in general, it worked out great.

The only issue I'm having in my new focus on self-care is sleeping.  I am having trouble getting myself to turn the lights off before 2am, so I'm really tired during the day.  I'm not sure why I can never seem to meet the basics of self care all at once - I'm either taking care of my sleep schedule, eating well or exercising, but not usually all three at the same time.   But I'll get there!

I've lost 1.6 pounds since Monday, so that's good motivation to keep going.  Plus, I've been checking out some races for the upcoming months, so I'll keep you updated on what I'm planning to run in this year!

Day 2 of the Couch to 5k - Did I do it?

So it's Wednesday, which means it's supposed to be day 2 (AGAIN) of the couch to 5k.

And I must admit...

I did it! I ran today :)

You thought I was going to say I took the day off!

By Monday night, my legs were really tired and sore.  By Tuesday, I was walking funny.  By this morning, I actually felt worse, and the muscles in my legs and in my feet hurt.

But I really, really, REALLY want to get back to running.  So I figured the walking warm up would help ease me past the muscle soreness and I'd just do the assigned run/walk anyway.

And I did it!

Was it hard, exhausting, a little cold and windy?

Yup.

But today, for some reason, it felt good that it was difficult.  It felt good to push myself again. To feel my muscles ache and still meet the goals (another 60 seconds running, 90 seconds walking for 20 minutes day).

I'm still super sore, and because I'm still not sleeping well or enough, I'm exhausted - physically, mentally and emotionally.  But I'm glad I ran and I do feel better than I did this morning.  It was good to remember that when I'm frustrated and short-tempered (with work, with the fact that my creepy neighbor who's wife supposedly kicked him out weeks ago has been back today, being creepy, etc.) a good run will knock that right out of me.

I've already passed the mental hurdles of "Can I do this?" because I completed the couch to 5k two years ago.  So now it's just getting back out there, being consistent and not letting excuses hold me back.  I really hope I'm on my way.

And yes, I know that if I'd done yoga yesterday, that would have helped both my soreness and the migraine I was fighting on and off all day, but I just felt too wiped out.  Hopefully I'll feel energized enough tomorrow to do it.  I did make sure to walk the dog after my run today, so I got a nice long cool down as well - he's a basset hound, so he's not exactly a fast walker!

I'm Baaack!

I admit it. 

For a while there, I wasn't sure I was ever going to run again.  

I'm the queen of excuses when it comes to working out.  I'm too tired. It's too cold outside. It's too windy. I don't feel like it. I don't like running. Blah, blah, blah.

Of course, I felt guilty about these excuses, but even the guilt didn't make me feel like running.  I figured I'd just give it up.

But then I was thinking about it at the end of last year, and realized that I'd never felt so happy with myself as when I was running regularly.  Seriously.  It's a great self esteem booster and the endorphin rush is awesome.  

So I told myself I'd start running again.  Of course, I told myself that in November, and here we are, February 14th.  My motivation has really been at an all time low lately.  Plus, it really HAS been cold and running on ice is just not my thing.  But living here at the beach, where the milder weather means that the snow doesn't stick around for long when we do get it, I realized last week that I need to stop making excuses and JUST. DO. IT.

And so last night, I laid out my running clothes, set my alarm a bit earlier and went to bed early.  But then I didn't fall asleep until after 3:30am.  Super.

I didn't get up early and run.  But I did put my running clothes on. And I told myself I'd start the Couch-to-5k today with a lunchtime run.  It's 63 degrees here today, people.  I am out of excuses. And if I'm being honest, I need to drop a bit of weight.  And surprise, surprise, it turns out that diet and exercise is the way to do that - who knew?

The long and the short of it is, I ran.  Well, I did the first workout in the program, which is five minutes walking warm-up, followed by alternating 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes.  And it was so beautiful out that even though I realized how far I have to go to get back to running 3 miles regularly, I still felt pretty good.

My legs are definitely sore - but they were sore when I woke up because I was doing a lot of squats yesterday while painting the doors and trim in my upstairs hallway.  I really wanted to use sore quads as an excuse today, but the truth is that I can find an excuse any day, and I just need to suck it up and do it.

So I'm hopefully back to running.  I rested and slept a lot this weekend, and ate a lot of junk food, and I'm basically sick of myself at this point, so I think that's been motivation enough to get back to working out regularly.  I'm hoping to get a bike stabilizer so that I can ride my bike inside (then I don't have to wear an ugly helmet :)) - I think that would be great for watching tv!  And I really REALLY need to start doing yoga again.  I love the way it makes me feel, it's a great thing to be doing while running, and with a variety of yoga videos available streaming on Netflix, I have no excuses - I can't get bored!  

We'll see how it goes!  I'll let you know how my motivation is holding up so you can yell at me if I need it!

Week One Down

I meant to write this post yesterday, when the run was fresh in my mind, but the weekend has gotten away from me a bit!  Normally, on Saturdays, I take a ceramics class from 12-3 - it's 40 minutes away, so I have to leave by 11:20 at the latest and normally don't get home until almost four, so it eats up quite a lot of time in my weekend.  But yesterday, I decided to play hooky.  I liked the idea of a whole Saturday stretching before me with no solid plans, when normally my weekends feel pretty rushed, trying to get all my household stuff accomplished on Sunday before jumping back into the work week.

But I didn't play hooky from running.  Instead, I suited up and headed out, expecting to enjoy the nice weather. But you know what they say about the best laid plans...

Having been away from running for a while, I forgot that each run is different. You can go from having a great run one day, to having a crappy run just a few days later - it's not always about forward momentum.  And that's where I was yesterday.  But it reminded me of another important lesson that running has taught me - even having a crappy run is better than no run at all.

I thought I'd be able to push myself like I did on Thursday, really punishing myself in the 60-second intervals.  But I was feeling exhausted and winded just jogging them.  By the end of my first 60 seconds, I was already feeling the burn in my lungs (of course, I forgot to do my inhaler before I left) and starting to get a stitch in my side.  So I re-set my plan for the morning and decided to conserve my energy during each interval so that I'd be able to finish all eight of them.  Since I'm a goal-oriented person (and very type-A), it's hard for me to not see progress each subsequent run, and to still be so disappointed at how long I was away from running and having to start over.  But yesterday's run was a good reminder to me that running isn't really about the finish line - it's about the journey.  Doing the couch to 5k program last year showed me how small building blocks could take me from 60 seconds of running at a time to 3.1 miles of running at a time.  Looking at the overall goal was always daunting, but each individual workout was manageable and got me to where I needed to be.  I am often so focused on the finish line that I forget to enjoy the journey (both in running and in life), so even in my first week back, it was good to be brought up short a little bit and get to think about just taking each run as it comes and eventually stacking them together to be the building blocks of competing again and finding my love of running again. 

So anyway, I appear to be waxing a bit philosophical about running tonight, and we'll see where that gets me for tomorrow's run.  I'm also going to my last fitness coaching appointment in the morning, so we'll see if I've made any progress in five days.  I must admit, I'm relieved to be done with the fitness coaching (I think) after tomorrow - it's very stressful! 

A Punishing Run & Feeling Better

Okay, so I'll admit it - I was SORE after Tuesday's run.  I could feel it starting Tuesday night, and when I woke up yesterday, the part of my quads right above my knees were screaming, as was every single muscle in my calves.  But it felt good - it meant I'd done something to deserve that (even if it was only 8 minutes of running and 22 minutes of walking).  And even though it still hurt today, I went for another run - the couch potato plan calls for the same plan as Tuesday - 5 minute warm-up, then alternating 60-seconds of running with 90-seconds of walking.

Today, I really punished my body during those 60-second intervals (at least in the beginning of the run). I ran fast and hard until I could feel my lungs burning, a stitch in my side (which, of course, means I wasn't breathing properly), and I was close to throwing up.  But I did it, and made it the same distance as Tuesday, but 15 seconds faster (not a lot, but any improvement is good in my book).  So Tuesday, according to MapMyRun, I did 2.41 miles in 30 minutes, 17 seconds, which puts me at a 12:34 mile (average). That makes me laugh a little bit, since I was running 11:00+ minute miles last year in the summer, and that was with running the WHOLE time!  Today's run was also 2.41 miles in 29 minutes and 48 seconds, which is apparently still an average of 12:34. There's obviously room for improvement, but hopefully I can get there. 

On Tuesday was also my third fitness coaching appointment, where my fitness coach actually referred to me as "really fit" to someone else, which made me feel like she might be a little bit nuts, but I was happy with it. I admitted that I was only *just* starting my 5k training, but said I'd been doing better with eating - of course I rewarded myself with candy that night, but it's made me feel so tired and crappy that I think I might be leaving candy behind for a while - no, really.  We talked about how I'm having trouble drinking a lot of water, and she said that my body will get used to having more water - which is a good thing! So I've decided to try to introduce a little bit more water each day so I can get up to where I'm supposed to be.  Running helps that, because then I'm more thirsty, so hopefully it's just a little change that will make a big difference.

For my stats, I was down about two pounds to 152 (-ish, I don't remember the decimal point), so that made me happy. She didn't have the last body fat percentage written down, but it turns out that I do, so without working out and just eating a little bit better, I went from 24.1% on March 25th-ish to 23.1% on April 13th. Not bad. 

The other reason I like this fitness coach (besides the fact she called me "very fit") is that she's realistic and not pushy.  We talked about the sheet with the recommended percentage of body fat on it, and they have "ideal," "healthy," "improve" and "health risk" on there.  For a 30 year old woman - every time I go there by the way, she tries to insist I'm 29 because I was born in 1980, but my birthday is at the beginning of January, so I AM 30 already! - the ideal is 19.7, healthy is 22.7, improve is 25.4, and heath risk is 30.5.  Of course, I see those numbers and think, wow, I'm so terribly far from "ideal" and it will take me forever to get there, and I start to beat myself up for being at a higher percentage. And then, my fitness coach said to me on Tuesday - you want to be at "healthy" because "ideal" is really for 16 year olds who have the metabolism of a hummingbird.  Phew.  That made me feel much better, because I can certainly lower my body fat percentage by a couple of decimal points, but to lower it a few whole percentage points would take some real work and would put a lot of pressure on me. 

So I'm definitely feeling better than I was on Tuesday - I put a lot of pressure on myself to do everything, and then when I fail at one thing, I just don't want to play anymore. So I'm trying to be more realistic.  My plan is to really get back into running - I'm going to stick to the Couch to 5k again and do just that in terms of working out for the next few weeks.  I might try to get to a yoga class too.  And I'm going to make those small changes in terms of eating and drinking more water that I talked about with my fitness coach.  Then, in a couple of weeks, I'll review again and see what my next steps should be (rather than coming up with a whole ridiculous plan now and trying to stick to it, or doing too much at once).  So today, by the end of my run, I was actually starting to remember why I enjoyed running - the weather was beautiful, I do like the results and endorphins that a good workout produces, and I didn't have to feel guilty that I wasn't working out today.  Hopefully I remember that Saturday morning and get out there again and stick to this! 

Sometimes I Hate to be Right - I AM at the Beginning

Okay, so for some reason, as soon as the doctor gave me the okay to workout, I stopped working out and stopped wanting to workout. I have no idea why. I feel like my motivation has been at an all-time low and I'm back to the same fears I had when I started running last year - I won't be able to do it, what if someone sees me and thinks I look stupid, etc.  Also, I just always struggle with getting started in anything remotely athletic.  So with the exception of that one day at the gym a few weeks' ago, I haven't worked out since (until today, I should add).

I did go to another fitness coaching appointment (as they call them), but I had a really bad head cold that week - I heard a long time ago that you could still work out with a bad head cold, but the last time I did, I got pneumonia. No joke.  So I work a bit harder at taking care of myself when I get sick these days!  But I went to the appointment, found out I'd actually put ON weight (though I was wearing knee high boots that day also which I wasn't the last time) and talked nutrition with Kris (who could fit a half hour conversation into five minutes. She said she was impressed I could keep up). I was terribly afraid that she'd slam me for my bad eating, but she said I basically eat well and just need to switch out any white flour products for whole grains, look for 100-calorie snacks for desserts (but not cut them out, yay!) and have dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate.  Okay, manageable. I'm also supposed to drink more water, and I can keep drinking Pepsi, as long as I also add an extra glass of water to my day.

Like with working out, I've not had a lot of water since we talked that day.  I'm not sure what it is - I have it easily accessible in my house with a giant brita in the fridge. I'm just not thirsty that much! So I have to make a more conscious effort to start adding more water into my day.  And I've been eating too much candy again - it's my weakness. Along with chocolate chip cookies. 

But all of this thinking and conscious effort is overwhelming me a little and I think that's what I struggle with. Frozentriette gave me some great advice a few weeks' ago, telling me to change one little thing at a time.  She's totally right.  But for some reason, I feel like I just can't do it, like all of these people are expecting me to do more (what people, I don't know), and as if I'm supposed to be keeping up with all these other athletes whose blogs I read or twitterstreams I follow, and when I don't, guilt creeps in.  On top of the fact that I may have jumped the gun in joining the gym, thinking that would motivate me, while now, I just feel upset that I'm spending money and not going.  I keep telling myself to just pick one yoga class at the gym and go every week to start with. But last night, when it was time to go to yoga and I was in a crabby mood, I just bagged the whole thing.  I'm not sure why I do all this hiding out when experience has shown me that exercise makes me feel better, sleep better, and helps me get out any frustration/stress I have.  I'm really struggling and it's very hard for me to admit, but I'm hoping that if I just take workouts one day at a time, eventually, I'll build myself back up again and actually enjoy it, without always feeling guilty that I could be doing more.

So anyway, that was my goal for today. I've got a fitness coaching appointment at 3:30 (which I've already postponed twice, so I HAVE to go today) and I made myself re-start the Couch to 5k plan. I had hoped that I would be wrong about how far back I'd fallen in running - that I'd get out there and it would be so easy I could jump ahead.  Unfortunately, no.  Today's plan was a five minute warm up walk, and then alternating 60 seconds of running with 90 seconds of walking for 20 minutes.  And it. Was. Hard.  Not impossible hard, just not as breezy as I expected it to be.  But the difference between this year and last year is that I already know I can do it, because I've done it before. So that helped. And I did really push myself in those 60-second intervals, so I was feeling tired by the time I was done with each of them.  And remembering my distances from last year, I know I went further today than when I started out last year, so I must have been running faster. 

So we'll see how it goes.  Last year, I was good at taking each workout as it came up and not stressing out about it too much (minus that first 20-minute stretch of running - holy cow was I worried about that one!).  I think a lot of that was because I was just doing one thing - running.  Today, I'm already feeling pressured to go to the gym for my appointment and then do an extra 30 minutes on the elliptical (because of course, I get wrapped up in the idea that the trainers are judging me, when they probably don't care) or just making an excuse when probably Kris won't even ask me whether I plan to workout.  The long and the short of it is that I'm overthinking EVERYTHING lately, which paralyzes me. So like Jannah said, I need to start small, add in one thing at a time and then build on that.  I'll give it a shot...