Running on Empty

I finally understand why my coach always says he works out to the point of exhaustion when he's stressed over things he can't control. On Saturday morning, my grandma had what turns out to be one in a series of mini-strokes. Fortunately, she happened to be with my parents, because otherwise, I don't think she would have been honest about what was happening. They were all at the beach, and my parents talked her into returning home and at least agreeing to go to the doctor this morning, because she didn't want to go to the hospital. The doctor wasn't able to see her and she did end up in the hospital, but at least they're able to care for her now and make some decisions about her future health and care. Other than her speech, the stroke doesn't seem to be affecting her too much outwardly, which I'm hoping is a good thing. But it's been one of those "wait and see" situations all weekend, which has left me feeling totally helpless and very worried.

So with this and the fact I have to fly to San Francisco tomorrow morning for my company's annual meeting (either with or without my boss, who is also my dad, and might be staying home to help out my mom) weighing on my mind, I was itchy to get out and run yesterday. Since there's little I can be doing for my grandma, I've been trying to keep busy with whatever I can to keep my mind off of things. Running is great for that, because although it's a very solitary sport, which allows your mind to wander, you can also push yourself hard enough that you physically exhaust yourself and you're concentrating more on your body than anything else. Yesterday was mostly perfect running weather, because it was cool and cloudy, but it was deceptive, because it was also very humid. I set out for a 35-minute run, my short run for the week because I was doing two days back to back.

The first mile started out okay, but I could tell my body was feeling very heavy. That always seems to happen when I run back to back days, so it didn't worry me. It just made me feel extra tired. I pushed myself to go as fast as I could, though the humidity kept me at a slower pace than I would have liked. I just kept running though, and was grateful for the lack of sun. I made it to just over a mile and a half and turned around, and finally found my pace. Even though my body was struggling with the humidity, I was able to get up to a good speed (for me at least), and I was definitely tiring myself out.

As I neared my starting point, I realized that I was going to have extra time, since I'd turned around thirty seconds early to account for my usually slower second half. So I ended up running further than my starting point to finish at 35 minutes, and finished at 3.25 miles, which is a 10:46 pace - not bad!

I could definitely feel the run in my legs all day yesterday, especially whenever I was climbing up or down the stairs. My muscles are sore today, so I'm glad for the recovery day. I'm still not sure what I'm running this week, as I'm waiting to hear back from Coach J, who is busy with work and workouts that take up all of his free-time, but because of my trip, it looks like I'll only be able to run Tuesday/Wednesday/Saturday. I'm sure I'll need the runs as a stress-reliever and in the meantime, please say a prayer for my grandma!

Heat and humidity haunt me again

After Thursday's run, I was sore, sore, sore.  Every part of my legs hurt, from my hips, to my knees, to my calves and my quads. The only thing that didn't hurt was my feet!

So I was very glad that yesterday was a recovery day and my intention today was to run as soon as I woke up.  Since I've been having so much trouble sleeping, that ended up being slightly later than I would have liked considering that the temperature for today was to climb to 78 degrees.  I first got up at nine, when it was 66 degrees and cool enough when I let the dog out that I thought I would be okay to go back to sleep a little longer and then head out.  But when I finally left the house, it was 72 degrees, and definitely humid.  I knew I was in for a tough run.

Remembering that heat and humidity always seems to really affect me, I started out slow, aiming for an 11-minute or so pace.  Within a few minutes, I was already overheating - there was almost no breeze, and with no shade, I was running in the direct sun.  I kept telling myself it was only four miles and I could make it.  I was focusing on the thought "This is hard, but it makes me stronger" and that actually kept me going.

As I got closer to the water, there was a slight breeze, which I was so grateful for.  The clouds overhead were floating around, but only seem to shade the road just ahead of where I was, never right over me.  Eventually, I did get to run through some shade patches, so I would take off my hat to let the breeze cool me off a little.  It was too hot to try that in the direct sun, which just seemed to zero in on my dark hair.

I made it to the two-mile marker right at my halfway point time-wise, which I was happy about.  But the second half of the run didn't give me a lot to smile about.  I was so hot, so thirsty, and so tired, I was sure I was going to have to stop to walk.  But I am also really stubborn, and I just wanted to run the full 45 minutes today and not take any walking breaks.  

When I hit 16 minutes left, I started to become a clock-watcher again (even though I know roughly distance-wise how much run I had left).  I kept thinking that if I could make it to ten minutes, I'd be able to finish without taking a walking break.  I was really struggling though, so I tried to focus on my music, think about the big glass of water I was going to have when I got home, anything except how much running was left.  

With five minutes to go, I thought, this is it, I can make it.  I decided at that point that I would stop after 45 minutes, whether I'd made it back to my starting point or not.  Then, there was four minutes left, and it felt like so much time.  I told myself I just needed to get to three minutes.  When I hit that, I told myself I just needed to get to two minutes, and so on.  Finally, with sixty seconds left to go, I told myself to think of the first week I started running, when I only had to run sixty seconds at a time.  I tried to tell myself that a minute was all I had to do and I just about made it.  I don't know when I've ever been so happy to stop and walk!

My body felt okay during the run, but I think I was so focused on how overheated I was that I wasn't thinking about anything else.  As soon as I stopped to walk, I could feel my joints aching again and my muscles tensing up - the muscle soreness I never mind, because it reminds me all day long that I pushed myself, but the joint soreness I could do without.  

I'm considering this a tough, but successful run - I ran 3.86 miles in 45 minutes, which is an 11:34/mile pace.  Slow, but I did run the whole time without stopping, so I've got to consider that a good thing!  Tomorrow, I've got a 35 minute run, and I'm hoping it will be cooler and less humid.  At any rate, I've already gotten in two good runs this week (well, an okay run, and a great run, so they even out) and I think tomorrow's will be a good one too.  We'll see how it goes!

THAT'S IT! Running is HARD.

Okay, so remember the days when I couldn't run five straight minutes? When I thought 20 minutes would find me lying in a ditch on the side of the road, gasping for breath? Somedays, I still forget that I don't still think I have those limitations. But today, I FINALLY broke my five mile barrier and ran 5.6 miles in 60 minutes and 15 seconds. That's right, I ran for more than 60 straight minutes, 16 weeks after I started running. Holy cow.

I have to admit that the weather made a huge difference - it was great running weather: overcast, misty rain, chilly air and a bit of a breeze. Exactly what I needed. Now, if you're keeping track, you'll noticed that I'm missing a running day this week: Tuesday. Tuesday was also perfect running weather, minus the misty rain. But unfortunately, I was sidelined with a nasty migraine, the worst I've had in a while. It was bad enough that despite three Excedrin when I woke up, I still called in late to work for the first time ever - when you work from home, it's hard to call in sick, unless you are really, really sick and can't even work from your bed with a laptop (which I have done, by the way). The headache did go away, but the other symptoms stuck around for a full day, and I felt weak and yucky right through Wednesday. Ah migraines.

At any rate, I didn't get to run on Tuesday and boy, did I need to run today. As you know, I've been struggling with finding the motivation for longer runs, debating whether I'm a recreational or a distance runner. I just couldn't shake a vague feeling of struggle every time I thought about running or went running. But I feel like I'm starting to get past that hurdle. Yesterday, I read a blog post by Liz Waterstraat about running hill repeats (something, by the way, I hope to never do). She talked about seeing Bob Scott, an 80-year-old Ironman, while she was running (that's right, 8-0. He's the current Ironman World Champion for his age group - if I'm still running when I'm 80, please come and find me). When Liz talked to him at the top of the hill/mountain, after her sixth hill run, she told him "This is so hard." His reply - "OF COURSE IT’S HARD! But it makes you strong, Elizabeth."

"THAT'S IT!" I thought! (Picture Charlie Brown yelling this at Lucy in A Charlie Brown Christmas and you'll understand my eureka moment).

This IS hard.

I think that's all I wanted to hear - someone admitting that it's hard for them too (especially a pro-triathlete like Liz). Running is hard work, especially when you get into the higher mileage, and I'm not even running that far yet. You battle with your body, with the weather, with your mind, with your schedule, with your diet, all of that. Just to run a little bit further each time. To have a bad day, followed by another bad day, sometimes followed by a good day. It's HARD. But it's making me stronger. The muscles in my legs are feeling SO strong lately - I can feel them with almost every movement I make. That feeling, I love.

So there's my motivation. This is hard. But it makes me strong.

With that in mind, I prepared myself for today's 60-minute run. I would like to say I jumped right out of bed and ran first thing, but that wouldn't be true. The last two nights, it's taken me until after 3am to fall asleep, so I try to sleep as late as I can so I can be a functioning, productive member of society. Those of you who know me know that it's not pretty when I'm tired. Last night especially, I was feeling jittery, with my legs on edge. That was another sign I needed to run today, to push my body past fatigue so that tonight, I can sleep.

So I headed out on my lunch break with the goal of 60-minutes and the desire to again, break an 11-minute pace. The first two miles were great. My body felt good (of course it did after three days off!), I was keeping a good pace, and the little bit of humidity wasn't holding me back. Around the start of the third mile, I got a twinge in my right knee, but nothing serious. Unfortunately, my knees ended up aching right through the rest of the run, though I didn't let it slow me down! Miles three through five were definitely the worst - I felt like each subsequent mile was twice as long as the last one. But I was feeling good about it mentally as I passed Sunday's halfway point of about 2.5 miles and I knew that if I could keep up my pace, I'd definitely make it past my 5 mile barrier.

I just kept doggedly at my pace and sped up as much as I could when I got to the last half mile or so. With only a few minutes left, I knew I was going to finish strong - finally, another great run in the books. My body felt great towards the end again (minus the knee issues), but as soon as I stopped running to walk, I could tell I'd really pushed myself today - my legs are feeling it! But managing 5.6 miles in 60:15 for a 10:45/mile pace makes me very, very happy.

This weekend, I'm running 45 minutes on Saturday and 35 on Sunday, so we'll see how those go. Next week, I'm off to San Francisco, with a jam packed schedule, so I'll be interested to see how/where I can fit in some runs!

How Will I Survive the Summer's Humidity??

Although I was supposed to run yesterday, when my alarm went off, I was just too darn tired to force myself out of bed.  Plus, it was Saturday!  So I gave myself a break and slept in a little instead.  I also knew it was crazy humid yesterday and was hoping that a thunderstorm yesterday or this morning would cool things off nicely.

Um, not so much.

There hasn't been a thunderstorm yet, so when I headed out this morning at 8 (admittedly, an hour later than I wanted to run), it was humid, humid, humid.  Only 70 degrees, but with the sun shining on me the whole way, and the moisture in the air, I was not loving running today.  

Today's goal was a 55-minute run, the longest ever.  And boy, did it feel that way.  I knew I had to run slowly if I was going to make it the entire way, since I've learned that my body doesn't react well to the humidity.  I was hoping that giving myself 55 minutes would mean I'd FINALLY hit five miles.  Getting to five seems to be impossible for me.  It's like I've hit this wall, and I just can't get to five miles.  I know I will eventually, but in the meantime, it's been very frustrating.  

My body was feeling okay today, not too much soreness in the joints and only a little muscle fatigue, so from that perspective it was a good run.  Although, it could just be that I ended up so overheated that I couldn't think of anything except stopping and getting some water.  The first mile was okay.  I really slowed myself down, to probably around an 11-minute pace and just concentrated on running the whole way.  The second mile got a little tougher, but I just kept thinking about getting through that next stretch to get to two and a half before I turned around.  I did the math before I left (because I can't run and divide time at the same time), and figured that my halfway point would be 27:30.  I passed the marker that would be the halfway point to 4.65 miles that I ran earlier in the week, and thought I was in good shape.  But by that time, I was so unbelievably hot and tired that my mind totally stopped working.  I got it in my head that I had to turn around at 22:30 instead and made it to 25:45 before I realized that I should have turned around already.  And I was already SO tired.  But I told myself I'd just run the 55 minutes, instead of trying to run to where I started, because my body was starting to rebel against the heat and humidity.  

As I headed back, I started to feel really overheated.  I would take off my hat every few minutes and let the intermittent breeze chill my sweaty hair, but that would last only seconds before my dark hair was attracting the sun to my head like a beacon.  I kept up my dogged pace and kept trying to focus on just running.  I passed a lot of people who were out this morning (tourist season has officially begun here at the beach) - mostly bikers and walkers.  Only one other runner - only one other person as crazy as me, battling the humidity to get in a run.  I did see a group of women walking/running, and I wondered if they were doing the couch potato challenge because I only saw them run once, for about thirty seconds.  I felt pretty good that I was running the entire time they were walking, running and then walking again!

With about sixteen minutes left to go, I had to take a walking break.  I was feeling a little delirious because I was so hot, and I thought it was better to take a break than to pass out.  The breeze felt so good once I'd slowed down, and my body wasn't stiffening up like it normally does if I stop to walk in the middle of a run, so that was a good thing.  After two minutes, I started up again and kept trying to think about the end of the run, and the gallon of water I was going to drink when I got home.  I really wanted to finish the run where I had started it, but I was just spent.  Unfortunately, it meant that I had further to walk once I stopped running and it was only sheer force of will and the knowledge that I had water at home that got me to walk that last half mile.  I mean, I seriously debated flagging down a car and either a) asking them if they had a bottle of water or b) asking them if they would drive me home.  When I got home, I immediately took off my shoes and socks, my hat, and my RoadID, turned on the AC and drank a big glass of water.  Unfortunately, my Brita seemed to have developed a small ice issue, which kept it from letting me have any more water.  Of all days.  But I had a little lemonade instead and some yogurt, sat on the couch for a few minutes to cool off, and finally felt more like myself again.  It does make me wonder how I'll survive the humidity in July and August...

And for all that, I only managed to run 4.74 miles.  Seriously?!?  It was disappointing for sure, but I focused on the fact that I got out there and ran, that I managed to run 53/55 minutes on one of the hottest, most humid mornings I've run so far, and that it's still longer than I've ever run before.  So I am making progress, it just feels like it's at a snail's pace!  I was back up well over an 11 minute pace today, which is also frustrating, but I think I need to concentrate on the fact that I'm running at all, instead of how fast I'm going.  There's plenty of time to speed up, right?

So as I promised, I checked in with Coach J, who said tomorrow should be an off day (Sweet!), Tuesday, 40 minutes, Wednesday off, Thursday 60 minutes (I'd better hit five miles that day!), Friday off, Saturday 45 minutes and Sunday 35 minutes.  That sounds fairly reasonable to me, so I'm going to continue to take Jannah's advice of taking it one workout at a time and hope for the best!

Short Runs Can Still Be Hard!

Today I finally learned what runners are talking about when they say their legs are "dead." Holy cow, was today's run tough!

When I went to bed last night, my body hurt. Just ached in my lower back, my hips, my knees. Getting into bed, I hoped that a good night's sleep would solve my soreness and I'd wake up fresh and ready to run.

Unfortunately, that was not exactly how it went. I managed to get myself into bed by 11, but wanted to read a couple of chapters of my book first. I was definitely tired, but it was a scary mystery that had me convinced I heard someone downstairs in the house. Yes, despite the fact I have a very loud alarm system. I thought maybe someone had hidden upstairs earlier in the day while the alarm was off - can you tell I have an active imagination? So after tossing and turning for a while, I finally got up and checked every nook and cranny. Nobody. So feeling much safer, I finally tried to fall back asleep and was successful.

At about 6:45 I was jolted awake for no good reason. I peeked out of my eye mask (which I'm wearing in lieu of room darkening shades), and saw how sunny it was, so then, I was up. But I was feeling very tired, and still pretty sore, so I started the mental debate.

Do I have to run today?

Well, maybe not. Maybe I could take the day off and run tomorrow. Ugh, but then I'd be running back to back with a long Saturday run. What if I took two days off? Hmm, that might be too long. Everyone's expecting me to run today. Okay, so I guess I have to run today.

Then: maybe I don't have to get up and run now!

Well, I probably do. It's supposed to be in the eighties today, and remember how it felt to run yesterday when it was so hot? Oh yeah, yucky. Besides, even though you're tired, you're already awake, so you might as well get up and run.

But I feel so blah.

How about a short run instead? (Yes, yes, I know this was supposed to be a "short" 40-minute run, but I mean shorter). What if I just did 2 miles instead? I can run 20 minutes, can't I? Sure, a 20-minute run might be fun.

Okay, so I finally got up.

Checking the temperature, it was about 50 degrees, so I put on my running tights instead of shorts. Mistake #1 - I should have checked the humidity. Made it feel like it was 70 instead of 50, so I was hot the whole time I was running.

I headed out and started running and that's when I figured out what other runners have meant by "dead legs." I can't really describe it other than to say I'd clearly pushed the muscles in my legs as far as they were prepared to go, and they felt like they stopped responding. Sweet.

But I kept going. My joints hurt as usual, and I tried telling myself that it was just a short run, only two miles. Ha ha, only two miles. I crack myself up.

With running over an 11-minute pace yesterday, I figured I should give myself 22 minutes of running to make sure I got in 2 miles. When I hit a half a mile though, I really thought I should have decided to run only a mile. But ten minutes of running seemed so short, so I kept pushing myself. I pushed myself to 9 minutes, 10 minutes, and finally 11 minutes before I turned around.

By this time, my body was really letting me know that it hated me. I kept thinking that the total time running was so much shorter today than usual, that I had to just keep going and finish. Honestly, I'm not sure how I managed it, other than "Let it Rock" coming on my headphones at the right time, but I managed to do 2.35 miles in 22:30 - that's a 9:34 pace! I was surprised that I managed such a fast pace on a two mile run - that's the quickest I've ever gone on a longer run (my fastest pace is 9:32 when I ran a mile a couple of months ago). So clearly, I was pushing myself harder this morning again. I'll admit to knowing I was doing it too, because despite how tired my body was, I knew I could keep up a faster pace on a shorter run, and I wanted to see how I could do. Of course, now, I feel as though I need a nap and I'm about ready to throw a party because I get a recovery day tomorrow.

Today, I'm still having trouble finding my motivation for longer runs. Coach J suggested bribing myself with brownies, but let's be honest, I would eat those things whether I run far or not. I have been bribing myself with cupcakes, as in "Just think, when you get home, you can eat a cupcake." But again, I'd probably eat the cupcakes whether I run or not. I had hoped that registering last week for the 10k would be solid motivation, because when I registered for my 5k's, I thought oh crap, I'd better make sure I run, and run far enough, so that I'm prepared. But this week, I just keep asking myself why the heck I registered for it at all! This week has got me wondering a lot of things: am I really cut out to be a distance runner? Do I just prefer to run 3-ish miles three days a week? Maybe I overextended myself with the goal of running the LBI race this year, and should just postpone it to next year? Why did I go from loving running to not really loving it in about two weeks' time? Why can't I seem to get past this 4.5 mile threshold?

Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely pleased that I went from not running at all - a literal couch potato - to running three to four days a week, 2-4.5 miles at a time in about three months. That's a great feeling. But I am struggling with finding a balance between maybe having to be satisfied with being a recreational runner, who competes in 5k's and runs 10 miles a week, but feels guilty/disappointed that I can't/didn't run in the 18-mile race and a marathon and maybe just seeing this as a bump in the road, a fly in my motivation ointment, which I'll look back on as something else I overcame in a few months' time. It's hard to know what the answers are.

So in the meantime, my plan is to train for my 10k as hard as I can, and then re-evaluate after that. Coach J thought I had come up with a crazy schedule this week (I always prefer when he thinks I'm pushing myself too hard, because then I can relax a little!), so even though he actually has a crazy schedule of workouts in preparation for the LP Ironman in July, I will be bugging him again to let me know what I should actually be running. And I will be hoping that this is just a bump in the road!

Guess which idiot picked the hottest part of the day to run?

Um, yes, that would be this idiot.

I definitely should have run first thing this morning, but watching Daniel Craig in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was infinitely more important than getting to sleep early last night. We all have our priorities.

At any rate, the weather here is gorgeous today - sunny, low-ish humidity, a cool breeze - just perfect. Unless you are a runner. Then, it's just a little bit too hot, a little bit too sunny, and the wind is either too strong or non-existent.

When I headed out to run this afternoon, it was already 77 degrees. After having to walk for a lot of Saturday's run because of the humidity, I knew I needed to pace myself well if I wanted to run the whole 45 minutes I had planned for today. I started out slowly and was running into the wind for the first half. Sometimes that was okay, because it would cool me off, but more often than not, it wasn't a very cool breeze, so it just forced me to struggle a bit to keep my pace up. I kept feeling like I was running so slowly that I was almost running in place, but after a few minutes, I could really feel myself tiring out, so I knew I had to keep it slow.

After the first mile, I was really struggling, and I was worried that I'd have to take a walking break. I think if I hadn't taken it so easy last week and cut myself a break, I probably would have walked a lot today. But because I felt like I didn't get a solid week of running in last week and I need to be able to survive that 10k in about three weeks, I continued to push myself. I reminded myself that my "happy life list" or "bucket list" or whatever you want to call it doesn't say "Run a 10k under a 10-minute mile pace." It just says "Run a 10k" (it used to say "Run a 5k" by the way - first thing I got to cross off!!). So although I like to think that I need to be running faster all the time, the main thing is that I'm running. And today, I ran.

I tried to think about the part of my route that was right ahead of me (especially since I felt like every time I looked at the time, I always had thirty-plus minutes left). And I just...kept....going. It was slow, but I was running. I had it in my head that I just wanted to hit the 5k halfway mark, that if I did, I would consider that a win for today. But then I passed it. And kept going. I realized that I was definitely going to hit four miles for today (which is not ALL that huge for running 45 minutes, but I was so hot and tired, it was a big deal to me today). Because I knew I was really going to be tired on the back half, I turned around about twenty seconds early and headed home. On the second half of the run, I got to thinking a bit (I love it when I can think about something besides how tired my body feels while I'm running, because it makes me feel less tired). I passed a group of people sitting on the beach (in bikinis - is it really bikini season already? I mean, I'm wearing shorts and a tee shirt, but I was running...anyway, I digress) and although I'm a huge fan of sitting on the beach and relaxing, I was proud of myself that I was taking a lunch break to run. A few months ago, the most athletic thing I was doing was scrubbing my bathtub and today, I ran four miles. That made me feel pretty good about myself! And it's made me feel like other things are possible in my life too.

As I was running, I also passed a woman on a bike - a serious biker. You can tell the difference, because leisure bicycle riders are wearing regular clothes and sit up straight on their bikes. They sort of meander along, and you can tell they're either trying to get from place to place, or their just enjoying the weather. The serious athletes are the ones with helmets, wearing spandex, and crouched over their handlebars like they're in the Tour de France. As she passed me, she waved and smiled and it made me feel like part of this club of athletes - people who work out when it's hot, or even when it's raining - definitely a cool feeling!

Despite that though, I've been having a bit of an internal debate with myself lately, wondering if I might just be a recreational runner, and not a competitive one. I really loved the experience of my two 5k's and have enjoyed all my training up until then. But since then, having to ramp up my running has really been a mental struggle and I feel like I'm trying to get over this threshold to become a real distance runner. I'm not sure if it was because I had two bad weeks of running right after the 5k's, feeling like my body was revolting against me and finding it hard to get back into the rhythm of running or if it's because I just don't want to run more than 3 or 3 1/2 miles at a time. I'll have to figure that one out. Mainly I have this question in my head before I run, but then when I get back home after a good run (or even today, after a tough run), I feel great and enjoy seeing how far I can run. So who knows?

At any rate, I finished 4.06 miles in 45:10 - an 11:07 pace. I wasn't very happy with being over 11 minutes again, but since it was hot today and I deliberately slowed myself down, I'm going to cut myself some slack. I think tomorrow is supposed to be more of the same, so I plan to get my butt out of bed earlier and run first thing instead, and hopefully I'll have some better speed. Tomorrow is a short run (ha ha, I love when I call 40 minutes a short run. It sounds short, but it sure doesn't feel that way!). Then I've got Friday off and I've got a nice long 55-minute run on Saturday. In about a week or so, I think I'll actually be running to the post office in town and back - I always thought that was so much longer than it actually is...

Back on Track

I think last week just wasn't my week, and I include yesterday in that. Saturday night, I managed to tweak my knee, enough that it was still hurting yesterday. I felt like I just couldn't win. So I decided to start fresh with a Monday/Wednesday/Thursday/Saturday schedule this week. My knee was still sore this morning, but I realized that it hurts more when I'm going down stairs and put pressure on it than when I'm going upstairs, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to run, unless I was going downhill a lot. Plus, I was really grouchy when I woke up yesterday and again this morning, so I knew I needed to run out some of my frustration.

With that in mind and looking at last week's time goals, I decided I'd do 50 minutes today, 45 on Wednesday, 40 on Thursday, and 55 on Saturday. Since I started running longer than 20 minutes (ah, remember the days when I thought 20 minutes was an impossibly long time to run? How I miss those days...), I try not to think about the run as a whole, because it overwhelms me. I'm still battling myself with wanting to meet the goal of a ten-minute pace on a regular basis, but knowing that it's more important to get out there and run for a certain length of time. I kept trying to remind myself during today's run that before February 12th, I wasn't running at all. Even as recently as on the day I turned 29, running anywhere wasn't a thought in my head. And now, just over three months after I started running, I've completed two 5k's and can run over four miles. At one time. Three months ago, I couldn't have run that far if an axe murderer was chasing me. So it's important to keep perspective.

Knowing that I'd really scaled back my running last week (getting in only one good run and one not-so-good run instead of four good runs), and going from running 30 of 38 minutes to running 50 today, I needed to cut myself a break. I tried to be mindful of my perceived effort today as I headed out, because I knew that overdoing it on Saturday in the humidity is what kept me from running the whole 35 minutes. Today's weather was definitely better - low fifties, not very much humidity, and overcast, it reminded me of the morning of my first 5k, minus the rain. And actually, my body felt pretty much the same today as it did that day - the usual joint soreness, but nothing major and nothing to really hold me back. Actually, now that I'm thinking about it, I'm also wearing exactly the same clothes as my first 5k too, even down to the socks, I think!

But anyway, as I started out, I kept my pace slower than I have been, and it felt like a 10:30 pace, which I was happy with. Of course, when I mapped my run, I found out it was more like a 10:55 pace, so I was a little disappointed (unless I mis-mapped my run, which is possible, because my halfway point was in a marsh with no real distinguishing landmarks). But since I've been running consistently under 11 minutes for a while now, I think I've got to be happy with anything under 11.

The first mile was tough, as usual, and then miles 2 and 3 were pretty good. Around about the end of the third mile, it started to sink in how much further I still had to go, and mentally that made me feel really tired. I kept thinking I wouldn't make it, so I reverted to my trick of imagining myself at a point further along the route - so when I was still back towards the municipal dock, I pictured myself running along the straightaway by the beach, and then when I reached that, I pictured myself running by the start of the sidewalk, about a half a mile from home. Fortunately, that worked, and I was able to finish the entire run, ending back where I started at 50:50. It looks like I ran 4.65 miles, which is less than I had hoped for, but when I finished the run, I felt like I was back on track again. So now we'll see how Wednesday and Thursday's runs go, and hopefully I can pick up the pace a bit, and then I'm really hoping to be over five miles on Saturday!